Interview with Michelle Thompson

Hmmmm, I guess I always have been a Square Peg. Even as a young child I didn't quite fit into the norms of most people's understanding. For a start, I was adopted at birth, and always knew of that.

I lost my father to cancer at a very early age also - so on entering school, was always one of the few children there from a single parent family - and one run by a 50-60 year old woman at that. Once my mother hit her 60s health problems started occuring so at the age of 11 or 12 I took on the head of household responsibilities.

I went through school as the top of the class girl in every year. I was artistic, creative, mathematic, and top in sciences and english as well.

Despite the fact that school mates constantly voted me in as a leader, I was incredibly shy with it, and remain so to this day. Which is a stunning example of the controversy within my own life (so far) and my personality. My leadership skills have meant that I've achieved some incredible career objectives...

Yet, at home, I'm often reluctant to open the front door to a stranger knocking on it. My husband has to deal with this inner shyness and reluctance of mine daily.

I am a fretful person, a worrier. This comes from my overall sense of responsibility which I took upon myself from the age of five (possibly due to my father's death), and from my strong analytical abilities. I analyse things to such an extent that it can leave me sleepless at night.

I have never made friends quickly, or retained them very well. My shyness has always gotten in the way, and then when some people have learnt of my own abilities, sometimes I think I've lost friends to some jealousies. The few friends I do have are long running school or work friends made some time ago. They are oblivious to my current career successes or even my own crafting passions. We have a simple past in common.

When I look back now on my past, I realise how different it has been from many peoples. I've often been rejected or let down by many people, including my own family, and have always sought acceptance but rarely found it. I still suffer from that to this day, but at least now realise that I am not alone in this Square-Peggedness feeling.

Why am I a Square-Peg? Because I am good at whatever I want to do, I'm a strong woman, opinionated and driven, and sometimes society doesn't know how to act around me. But others like me seem to recognise it, and appreciate and support it. Even celebrate it. I'm glad I've now got a label for it. Square-Peggedness, although I still have this hankering for acceptance, is basically something now for me to appreciate and celebrate in my own life. But goodness is it a struggle sometimes, to remember this...

Actually, I'm sometimes still struggling with why I would want to maintain this, to be honest. It would make life so much easier if I was a round-peg. Heck, I'd have friends and not feel quite so lonely. But anyway...

I surround myself with people who appreciate it, and understand it. That main person is my husband, and we have a very strong and supportive relationship. And I am also creating the same in my three year old daughter. She just has those natural tendencies.

I create - crafts, writing, blogging.

My blog in particular, although focused on one or two specific subjects, also opens myself up to others. And that allows other squarepegs to find me also. They come. I go to them. It may be a translucent relationship, and may even disappear in the future (some do, as real-life circumstances intervene) but for a point in time, there are similar people to me around in my life. I am not alone...but alone enough to make me happy...

I use the traits which in one way are negatives: i.e. my constant analysis needs, and use them for the good of my own hobbies or things which keep me sane.

I form relationships virtually, with like-minded people.

I take courses to remind me, inspire me, and maybe change me a little. Self-analysis is something I've often returned to, challenging myself with where I might want to go next. The courses are virtual, of course - I don't think I'd be able to force myself to break my reclusivity clause to get out there and "share" in real life. Virtual is somehow much more do-able for me. I love this internet age.

If I were perfectly honest - if I wasn't forced at this point to go out and work for a living, and therefore put on this assertive and somewhat brazen personality expected of me in that working environment - then I might possibly quite happily be a recluse.

That would be one of my main ambitions for my old age - to be this eccentric older lady who the neighbours and town are a little in awe of. An old lady with bright red hair and purple clothes, who just appears to buy her groceries and rumours suggest she does something a bit odd hidden away in her equally eccentric house. I really fancy that idea.

Non-acceptance.

...as an adopted baby and child, there is a certain hankering to know why your natural parents rejected you. Topped off by my own life circumstances where contacting my birth mother at the age of 26 meant a further rejection.

Add death of parents, loss of friends, and the final fact that my academic successes meant that a few people were envious or fearful of me, and more specifically - even teachers and my own mother took my successes for granted, and rarely congratulated me in them.

So for a good while I strived to be noticed and accepted. And sometimes loved.

Creativity. It's kept me sane (to a level just acceptable by society), and opened up worlds to me.

...life gave me a nice set of creative abilities. I've always crafted, and find that simply doing a craft project means that I observe a chunk of time where I do not think, just do. Crafting is my counter-balance in life towards my driven need to analyse everything.

...just what a dual natured person I am, and must be, to operate in my own world.

For 9 hours a day, I am this assertive, professional, strong woman leader - and everyone looks up to me for decisions and actions.

For the rest of it, I'm this artistic, overly sensitive recluse who wants to shut the world out and lives vicariously over the internet or through her family and her art.

I know that Square-Pegs from history can be excellent leaders, politicians etc, or also artists and recluses - but until...(the interview) I had not realised how I was both. I am so enthralled that I am managing to pull both off with (some) aplomb and naturally too - and without suffering a mental breakdown. I'm pretty proud of who I am...

Er, Pass. I stuggle to find favourites, still. I can't actually understand anyone who does have a favourite book, music group, even food. Surely there's so many more to try out?

I do associate particular books (music, food...) to special memories. And I'm currently, through my daughter's eyes, rediscovering the absolute joy of a good children's story book.

My new favourite, if I was forced to make one, is simply based on some old childhood memories. The Book of Gnomes. This was a picture book that was available from my small town public library. As a pre-teen I must have checked that book out twice or three times a year, for many many years. It's no longer available, and was simply a book that made Gnomes look like they really existed. I loved the whimsy of it all. The fantasy. I still seek fairies and gnomes in my life to this day.