Interview with Nancy Vittoria Bello

This month we meet artist Nancy Vittoria Bello. Nancy and I had a great interview call - we laughed alot, shared alot and got to talk about plans each of us has for our web sites.

Nancy's beautiful web site is: Studio Bello Spazio She also has 2 blogs where she shares her expertise:

fauxmuse.com shares my thought processes and inspirations around design. As it develops, I will offer ways for people to get personal assistance with their projects.

and

wonderfullyimperfect.com shares my artistic andpersonal journey and how I became (known as) the 'princess of getting up again'. It's inspiration and resources from an artist (and corporate refugee) who has struggled and been stuck, and continually dusts herself off.

It's a place where everyone can celebrate being wonderfully imperfect!

We also found that we are both empaths - which led me to review Judith Orloff, M.D.'s book Positive Energy.

There was alcoholism in my family of origin.

I always felt like fraud, like I would be found out.

...always having the feeling of not fitting in. This looked different at different times - when I was a stepmom that equalled being second best, I was a geek in school.

I earned the Square-Peg thing. To survive I drew on inner resources. I had to develop inner resources.

I'm Bi-Polar. I can get so overwhelmed.

There are not alot of good friends around me...the biggest thing is online relationships, which seem to be easier for me than face to face ones.

Finding Artella was a big help!

I maintain my Square-Pegness through creating (once I gave myself permission to do so).

I take classes - book and journal arts, I make paper.

...through time by myself.

I hang around with other artists, have a relationship with God.

I am starting to feel very powerful.

Nancy says that she "got thru the darkness and murkiness" {and is feeling} "powerful NOW" because she "learned to keep things inside and I am letting them out again."

I realize it's not about self. There is a master plan - even though it sucks - give up control - stuff comes to us and we clench so tightly - we want to control the outcome. We can learn to let go - to ask: what do I have? - what can I do for others?

Life equals loss.

I lost my corporate job 2 years ago. I was very work oriented - saw myself as what I did.

I think that getting out of the incredibly chaotic schedule allowed me to realize my natural cycle. I used to thrive in that stress, I was "on" for the crisis.

I have had to release anger, I didn't expect to be starting over in mid-life.

I was brought up with fear of lack, so going from a good income to not having money spiked fear of failure, and yet I don't die.

Many things I used to worry about don't matter.

quality of life is better.

{There are} things I notice, like how nice it is to enjoy the day. I've been a better friend.

I'm a Scorpio - there's a pattern of death and rebirth. I recognize that I continually go through periods of life when I make a major shift and am reborn.

Now I call myself an artist.

Empathy. We forget as a society "there, but for the grace of God, go I."

The bad side is - as an empath I can feel things - I get so off track and get so emotional.

Humor is another favorite trait. In the long run humor is all we have - the ability to question - do certain things really matter?

Nancy says that she found Anne Lamott's Travelling Mercies , now one of her favorite books, through a Square-Peg-Stacks review. You can read the review here.

Another book that Nancy is touched by is a "teenage book": Girl Goddess # 9: Nine Stories by Francesca Lia Block.

Nancy has allowed pain (including grief) to open her up - rather than close her emotions down. She allows pain to transform her. It is so easy (especially in our culture) to attempt to hurry through negative emotions and events. So many people try to "keep busy" rather than going through grief or pain.

I've talked to many people who make it a habit to run from pain. I was at a party awhile ago where a woman attended who had JUST (days prior) lost her husband. When the woman said that she was there because: "Hey, life goes on - I have to keep busy." the host applauded.

Though I have no idea how the woman was dealing with her grief - I didn't get a chance to talk with her - I DO know that the host had recently lost someone dear to him, and spoke very plainly to me about how he was not dealing with grief: "I keep busy, if I stop I get sad." Well, of course you'd get sad if you were grieving - sadness, pain, loneliness, anger - lots of feelings accompany grief. And you CAN'T run fast enough to get away from them.

What if we learn something from Nancy, who I'm sure you will read discussing topics like this on her blogs. What if we stand beside people as they go through painful moments without trying to help them hurry through. Without trying to "fix" anything.

What if we listen - be honest about our own feelings - and watch ourselves and others be transformed by walking through pain - instead of trying to run around it.

There's alot more to Nancy than the wisdom she's acquired through staying open emotionally when she's been in pain (like her incredible humor, generous spirit and ability to share her mistakes as well as her successes) but that is the quality I want to focus on today because I think it's SO rare and so beautiful - something we can all learn from.