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Square-Peg Spotlight

Interview with Nici Derosier

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Nici Derosier

Mixed media artist, illustrator, writer, poet and storyteller - I struggled with what order to put these in. If only there were a way to blend them into one word because Nici is all these (and more) at once!

How do you see yourself as a Square-Peg?

I see my whole family as Square-Pegs.

When I asked Nici if she meant her family of origin or her husband/kids, "now" family, she answered:

... a little of both. My mom is a shamanic healer, my grandmother was in the theatre. I came by it honestly {being a Square-Peg}...it's the gene pool you go fishing in.

Mostly I meant my current family. My youngest is BiPolar and has ADHD as well as learning disabilities. I am BiPolar II with cyclical depression and racing thoughts.

Nici said:

Most people think logically, they go from A to B to C to D. To me it's alphabet soup. I can't put it in order, I try to do 100 things at once.

She describes herself as "very social, very scattered. It made me very creative. When you're in your own little world you invent things."

Nici said that, as a child, she

...liked theatre and creativity because, with those, there are no wrong answers. Math and I did not get along - because there are right or wrong answers. I don't have linear thinking.

My husband does computer coding. I married my opposite. He is very regimented, orderly and logical. There's room for a lot of conflict in our relationship - but also room for a lot of balance!

There's conflict in the family structure... The younger, Noah, is chatty, has brain storms (really, electrical storms in his head) which can be uncomfortable for him. He has all these ideas that he can't do on his own..he needs to rope in facilitators to be his audience. All this has an enormous impact on the level of peace.

Even my pregnancy with Noah was high risk...

We named him Noah because he sailed through a storm. Instead of 40 days and 40 nights, it was 40 weeks.

I have three kids, but I talk about Noah the most..he's like an extra body part to me.

Nici spoke about Noah's struggles, his triumphs and Noah's first day at a new school (which took place the day of our interview - and was something Nici had worked hard to see happen - she's a phenomenal advocate!)

Spencer has Aspergers. He's overcome a lot, but he still struggles. I had a story about him published in a book called Cup of Comfort for Parents of Children With Autism: Stories of Hope and Everyday Success. Spencer knows he has Aspergers - we told him when he was about 5 or 6.

A lot of parents don't want to tell their kids, but we feel that full knowledge of himself is important.

Ian is the middle child, he's 8. Ian has two very different brothers. Ian is protective and resentful of Noah. He is extremely witty and sarcastic. He's also built differently than his brothers - he's the string bean in a pumpkin patch.

The parameters in this home are extreme. We're all different. When we come to visit it's like we're traveling in a clown car - the doors open and we all spill out.

She said that her family

...makes life interesting. I learned to cope. It made me more patient. I can't push things with these disorders. Particularly in BiPolar Disorder with children - the word "no" is a trigger. So I've learned to reframe things - to say something so it sounds like "yes", but it's actually "no".

How do you maintain your Square-Pegness in the round-hole world?

I work for Artella, which reminds me of what I have to offer the creative community.

There was joy in Nici's voice when she told me:

2 years ago we changed our 3 bedroom home (where our family did not fit the floor plan). We had no creative space - but then we turned the downstairs into the boys' dorm and made a studio for me and an office for my hubby. So now I have dedicated creative space. In here I can put as many things on shelves as I want. It's a disaster, but it's MY disaster. It's a room for me to be myself.

I could "see" her eyes sparkling!

I also participate in mail art projects, which connects me with other artists.

After the interview, Nici told me...

I would love to add how grateful I am to be surrounded by loving supportive people...my husband {Aaron}, both our extended families, my friends and co-workers. I am truly blessed to have such a tribe of people around me.

Nici also keeps a blog, called ArtShapedWorld and has a Cafepress site"where I have items designed for and inspired by kids with 'invisible' disorders like BP or spectrum disorders."

I imagine that these sites - where Nici proudly flies her Square-Peg flag - help her maintain her Square-Pegness. Please check them out!

What’s been the hardest for you as a Square-Peg?

Not knowing my diagnosis. I had no frame of reference - I was misdiagnosed from early teens with anxiety, depression, family dysfunction. All of a sudden - with the BiPolar diagnosis, it all makes sense. I would have liked to have understood myself better so that I could understand that I didn't have to fit in the round-hole that I was struggling to get into.

I'm proud to be a Square-Peg now - I've learned the value of being different.

Nici laughed as she told me she's learned that her "creativity making can actually startle people."

I asked Nici how her family of origin perceived and accepted her creativity:

...when you're young and have low self-esteem you don't hear the good things..but you hear the negative: try harder.

What is your favorite Square-Peg trait?

...is my adaptability. I grew up all over the world: we moved to England when I was 5, then South Africa, Puerto Rico, Kansas, Germany - then prep school in Connecticut. I went to college in Washington, D.C. When you're in another culture you need to be a chamelion. There is a pecking order and you need to adapt your behavior to others.

Adaptability was helpful in my experiences growing up - helped me learn new languages. And when it came to my kids, being a mother - I'm able to roll with the punches. On the negative side you can lose track of who you are - lose your sense of self - I still struggle with that.

Learning that there are other ways of seeing the world helped me understand my boys. They see the world differently - they were born with different innate languages.

What is your favorite book?

When I asked Nici what her favorite book(s) is, she said..

I haven't had much time to read lately. The bulk of my free time is spent working for Artella - doing customer service work.

I love anything by Anne Lamott. The first book of hers I read was Operating Instructions. I also love Annie Dillard. Both of them have hearts that are wide open. They put a name to joy. The way Annie Dillard writes you can almost taste what she's talking about - it's so sensory.

The Red Tent is another favorite.

And, every now and then I like bubble gum for the brain - bodice busters.

What can a Square-Peg learn from Nici?

We can learn to rejoice in seeing the world differently. Nici not only shares HER world view, but she eagerly finds others' and shares those as well. She seems VERY excited by the varied ways (the stories) of how people look at life.

We DO all see the world differently - how beautiful to delight in the fact!

During our interview, Nici told me about a video on YouTube that she thought I would like. I told her that she was the third source that suggested "In My Language" to me - and Nici advised me: "You've GOT to see it!" I did. It's fantastic.

The woman in the video, A.M. Baggs, shares HER view - her way of communicating with the world - which is labeled autism.

Now I'm advising you, as Nici advised me: YOU've Got to see it!

Nici painted with analogies throughout our interview. I've only mentioned a few, but there were MANY! Nici probably inserted one analogy to every couple sentences - She is so expressive of her world view. I loved it! I was able to "see" things from Nici's point of view because she painted me word-pictures.

"I'm into analogies. For a person who doesn't see patterns it's kind of funny. I apply their interpretations to my life."

Using the ability to conceptualize then express her world view in those word-pictures is something I'd love to do more of.

Perseverance is another thing Nici's got that I appreciate and would like to learn to use more in my own life (maybe YOU would too??). Nici persists in her ARTing. She's a very busy mom and Artella staff worker, yet she persists in finding art time. Her prolific art work attests to this.

I was part of a group where Nici shared her struggle to get her son, Noah, schooling that suited him. She was tireless in her advocacy - more perseverance!

Even her story of getting "dedicated creative space" shows perseverance. It took some time before Nici and her husband figured out how they could wrap their home around their lifestyle. Staying with the question (how can we create areas for our separate work spaces?) is perseverance - how much easier to not think about it...to give up.

Thanks, Nici, for the lessons your life offers: rejoicing in seeing the world differently, expressing yourself in fun ways (your art and analogies!) and perseverance! If you haven't checked out Nici's blog and art site yet, please do it NOW!!

Here are some of Nici's favorite books:

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