Patty-K-Interview

Patty K Interview

Patty K

"Pajama wearing motivational speaker"

You're going to read a lot about pajamas here. Patty K likes her pajamas.

I met Patty at Barbara Sher's Write Speak retreat in 2009 and she wore pajamas to a few of our gatherings. Since then she's become known for those pj's - wearing them to conferences, and - well, wearing them all over.

But read on, you'll see that Patty's a whole lot more than pajamas!

Patty says, on her blog, that she's an introvert - with a mission: "...to help people like me. People who are smart, capable and want to make a difference in the world...and are held back by shyness, social anxiety and/or lack of confidence."

How Do You See Yourself as a Square-Peg?

Definitely nonconformity {We talked, prior to the interview proper, about my latest understanding of the Square-Peg tag - that being a Square-Peg isn't about fitting in/not fitting in; it's about mindful nonconformity}.

When I look at what everyone else is doing, what's desirable - I don't get it! I don't get people going after material stuff, going after money - or {Pause, laughing} children!

They say "Oh yeah Patty, you're supposed to do this!"

You're supposed to wear grown-up clothes? Who says you have to change out of your pajamas?

How Do You Maintain Your Square-Pegness (in a round-hole world)?

I've pretty much made my own world. I don't know what the hell I would do without the internet.

Have you ever noticed that the internet can be whatever you want it to be?

I've heard people say: "The internet? Yea, it's full of porn and bad news!" and I'm like: "Wow! That is not the same internet that I've got - that really says something about you. Maybe you should get the version I've got." I'm thinking: "Man, my internet is full of hope!"

It's easier to do this {making your own world} online - a little harder to do this with real people. With real people you don't get to decide who to follow. There's no: "You know what, I don't want to subscibe to you." Can you imagne how great that would be if life was like the internet?

{Laughing} Someone's getting all nasty and you say: "Unfollow! Unsubscribe!"

So, with real people it's a little tougher. I think computers are helping us in that way too, though - like Meetup.com and Biznik.

I think that's what a lot of these conferences are all about - travel to meet people that you met online. That makes a lot of sense to me.

I asked: Anything else?

My pajamas do it for me - they're visual and tactile and kind of remind me to be me.

Before, I used to take off my pajamas and put on my jeans and tee shirt to go out. Then I'd come home - take off jeans and tee shirt - put pajamas back on.

If you came over to my house and I knew you really well I wouldn't take off my pajamas. You'd know we were really good friends if you showed up and I was wearing something really ratty {Laughing}.

This way {wearing pajamas all the time} I'm saying: I'm going to treat you like you're my closest friend - I'm going to be me. You can accept that invitation or not. I feel really open and authentic - and it's been working for me.

While talking with Patty about how she evaluated her own motivation speaking video, I noticed that she is very kind to herself - and asked if she was always like that. She demurely replied: Hell no!

I figured that whatever Patty did (or learned) that helped her become kinder to herself probably helped her maintain her Square-Pegness, so I asked her about that. Patty said that her kindness to herself evolved from "self acceptance", a little help from Byron Katie (Patty's a fan) and some thought changes.

She explained...

A long time ago I read something like: Listen to what you say in your head - would you say those things to your best friend? Would you say that to somebody else? If not, how can you say that to yourself?

It only took about 4 thousand, 3 hundred, eighty-seven self help books - {Laughing} studied for 15 - 20 yrs.

Maybe it's about getting older, too. Was it really all that work I did or is it something that would've happened anyway when I turned 40? {Laughing} Man, I could've saved myself a lot of trouble.

She told about another big change in thinking: I had this moment years ago - one of those cases where someone compliments you, but you're not sure if they're being sarcastic. Someone said: "Nice outfit" And I didn't know if they were serious or digging at me.

But this little switch went on in my head: I can take that either way. I have a choice! So I said: "You know what, I'll accept that. Thank you very much."

Today if someone says: "Nice outfit" - even if I know they don't mean it - I just turn it around and take it how I want.

If you would've told me 10 yrs ago: "Patty, just be who you are. Be the total nut job that you are. Wear you pajamas in public, say what you think, admit to stuff in public - on your blog - and you'll have people responding: 'Me too!' " I would've been like: "That's great, thanks for sharing - you have got to be kidding!" {Laughing}.

What Has Been the Hardest For You as a Square-Peg?

When I was in my early 20's my grandmother asked me: "Why do you make life so hard on yourself? You're a smart girl. Why don't you just get a job, get married, have kids and be happy like everybody else?"

My grandmother was a reasonably happy person and that's what she did. She and I had a lot in common - we used to talk a lot - she was this spunky old lady...but I was looking at her like she was from another planet. None of that appeals to me.

I'm not even sure about the "happy" thing - I think I'm more inclined to agree with Penelope Trunk. She says something like: you have a choice, you can be happy or you can be interesting.

...to do what my grandmother advised is the easy answer. I could see it right in that moment: You are so right - that would be only a zillion times easier. It's easy to do what everyone else is doing - just to go along, not think of big things. But I can't help it, I just can't do it.

...that's been the hard thing.

What Is Your Favorite Square-Peg Trait?

My sense of humor.

I love having that ability - being able to make people laugh. It's the most awesome thing in the whole world. And I really like being able to make myself laugh. I laugh at my own jokes.

There's not much that's better than laughing - it's a close contender with sex.

Seriously, when we talk about what percentage of your life you can spend in those activities - you can spend a hell of a lot more time laughing...

I asked Patty if she had that sense of humor as a kid.

...I was the little girl who always wanted to be the class clown, but was too shy to open her mouth.

...so I was the kid that was sitting there trying her damndest not to bust a gut because a teacher just said "butt". I was like a little Bart Simpson...the other kids wouldn't play with me, I was sitting there laughing to myself and never said anything.

...it's {Humor} not always a welcome trait at like business meetings, weddings, funerals.

...humor has been my armor, too. And as I'm dropping more and more of the armor - putting myself out there as I am - I don't have the same drive to make things funny.

But I worry that one day I might lose my sense of humor - life would not be worth living...

What Are Your Favorite Books?

Books that changed my life: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Steven Covey, Loving What Is - Byron Katie, Nonviolent Communication - Marshall Rosenburg and I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was - Barbara Sher

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Visit Patty's blog Patty K: breaking through fear; getting on with the mission.
And make sure to read the Pajama Experiment post. You can also catch a video of Patty K. (in her pajamas) at one of her motivational speaking gigs (the link goes to Part 1, there are 3 sections).

Some of Patty's Favorite Books:

Remember: when you buy from Amazon.com you don't pay a penny more, but you help support Square-Peg-People!

Published August 2010.

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