Thriving Through Crisis

A number of years ago I had the extreme pleasure of attending a seminar by Bill O'Hanlon (it was a version of his current: "KEEPING YOUR SOUL ALIVE AS A THERAPIST IN THE ERA OF MANAGED CARE: A personal and professional recharging").

The seminar included multi-media presentations - music, scenes from movies, quotes, pictures - as well as anecdotes, thought-provoking information and questions to ponder from the wise and energetic Bill O'Hanlon.

I seem to remember Bill saying that his point was to touch us - whether he said it in those specific words or not - that's what he did. It's very cliche, but true - there was "not a dry eye in the room". I left there knowing the directions I needed to move into. I left there very connected to myself. And I left there really respecting and appreciating Bill O'Hanlon!

You get the same feel from his books - they come across respectfully - person to person and story-centered, practical and heart touching (as opposed to giving you the feeling of being talked down to and/or being purely theoretical). His writing is filled with word play. You can see that in some of the chapter and sub-chapter titles:

Don't Just Do Something, Stand There
Having a Nervous Breakthrough
Blissed or Pissed: Two Clear Signals from Your Heart and Soul...
When You Discover You're Riding a Dead Horse, Dismount

Bill O'Hanlon says: "Thriving Through Crisis is a road map for how to recover from breakdowns and crises and reconnect with a life of meaning, passion, and aliveness..."

He also offers this hopeful message:

Bill continues:

He talks about two varieties of crises:

Throughout the book Bill highlights important points in list form - these are great for quick review/reminder. Some of them are:

Events that can serve as wake-up calls
What constitutes a Breakdown or overwhelming crisis
Crises as WakeUp calls
Common Avoidance or Distraction Techniques
Identifying What Blisses You out

and there are plenty more.

In one of these highlight boxes, entitled "What Constitutes a Breakdown or Overwhelming Crisis?" Bill gives us his description of a breakdown:

In the same box he also gives several examples of overwhelming crises, which are helpful if you're anything like me - prone to miss the forest for the trees.

There's an entire chapter called "How to Help Someone You Love Through a Crisis".

This is another very personal book - and again I'm going to say: any other kind isn't worth reading! In it Bill O'Hanlon tells about "...two significant breakdowns in my life. (If breakdowns is too strong a word for you, you can substitute overwhelming crises. They felt like breakdowns to me.)"

He shares about his wife's painful medical condition and his own failings and triumphs in relationship with someone who is dealing with a serious illness. He brings in many stories of other people.

And I love that Bill isn't "selling" the "everything is coming up roses" formulaic answer to suffering. He knows life can hurt:

In this hopeful, pragmatic and kind ("kind" meaning: he writes respectfully to us - does not offer a "one-way-fits-all" mentality AND it feels like Bill O'Hanlon's "been there", and he even tells us a bit about his own crises) book you'll find much to reflect on. There are even some work book pages with ideas to reflect on and write about.

In the chapter "Having a Nervous Breakthrough: Key Points in Finding the Benefits of Crises (Including How to Avoid Unnecessary Breakdowns)" Bill O'Hanlon voices several big questions, one is: "...has the crisis made you more compassionate or empathic with people or has it led you to be more judgmental or cynical and alienated?"

In a sub-chapter entitled: "How to Have a Good Breakdown: The Difference between Post-traumatic Stress and Post-traumatic Success" Bill O'Hanlon describes ways of using crises to our benefit. He names - and elaborates on - "...the three C's: Connection, Compassion, and Contribution."

I'm wondering if there's something Square-Peg here! I've often thought that one of the identifying marks of a Square-Peg tribe member might be - being AWAKE in crises experiences. Maybe our crises have been SO large that we can't ignore them - maybe we have some driving Square-Peg force that pushes us to really experience them (as opposed to ignore them, rationalize them, hide from the truth). But somehow, a big percentage of the Square-Pegs I've gotten to know have had crises and have turned them into "thriver" (big steps past "survivor") experiences. Would love to hear your views!!

Thriving Through Crisis is full of practical help. The keyword here is "practical" - wisdom grounded, not theoretical fact-listing (though there's plenty of theory and explanation). Bill O'Hanlon knows how to touch hearts (he's a master at it), but more importantly he knows how to help us connect heart, mind and spirit to our journey.

The book ends with this blessing: