terri st cloud
"artist, writer, woman"
How Do You See Yourself as a Square-Peg?
Being hypersensitive made me feel different.
as an example, Terri said:
I'd feel betrayed, all heavy, different.
I take everything to the depths...and heights too. I have a story about "heights". I've always felt like if I let all the heights out I would freak out the whole world - everybody would be scared. The only time in my life that I totally went to the heights was...
One Christmas eve. The kids were little. Santa Claus came by on a fire engine. We all went out to see him. The fire engine was really loud.
It was like I was 6 years old. I was SO excited. The fire
engine was so loud you could scream and carry on and no one could hear. So I
screamed and carried on (terri laughed as she said this) and I didn't scare anyone.
How Do You Maintain Your Square-Pegness (in the round-hole world)?
Looking over the Square-Peg interview questions - and thinking through them - helped me with trust. I really saw how awesome my business is - and how life prepared me for bone sighs.
Making bone sighs is the way I maintain my Square-Pegness.
Terri shared her favorite story about her business ...
I wrote "I matter..." I wrote the bone sigh as a housewarming present for a woman in a women's therapy group I was in. I thought of her while I wrote the saying and watercolored and matted it. Then I saw that it was about me!
The thing is: bone sighs started as a gift! Before I gave it to the woman, I showed it to my counselor - she cried. And she said: "Terri, you need to keep writing." So I kept a notebook by a cot in the kids' room, where I was sleeping.
I didn't want to numb stuff out. I made a decision to feel everything. To walk through and feel everything. It was HARD! When it was so hard that I didn't know what to do with the pain, I would write.
I had this deal with the universe - I will follow my heart, do everything that feels right. If it felt right, I'd do it. Even though I needed to figure out a way to support myself and the kids, my main focus was not on money.
Somehow walking, praying, asking "What am I supposed to do?" led to bone sighs. People seemed to like them, so I began to take them to stores. I didn't have a name for the bone sighs, I called them "thingees".
which led terri to share another great story...
The deal was - I will listen to everything. But, at the time I got up - stood up and looked at the ceiling and said "Is that the best you can do?" (laughter)
It was a gift from the universe! And I did use it, but I didn't like it at first. Now, I don't think there could be a better name. If I hadn't gotten that name I'd be calling them "terri's thingees". (more laughs).
What's Been the Hardest for You as a Square-Peg?
That makes me hate myself for a few minutes - asking myself what's wrong with me.
And that's all inside of me - my thinking it is what separates me from the other person. So it's up to me whether I keep that "hardest thing" or not.
What is Your Favorite Square-Peg Trait?
But I take anything a person tells me and relate it to what I'm going through - what goes on inside me - and grow from it. Everything there is - is in all of us. You can come to me with anything, and I'll grow from it.
What Are Your Favorite Books?
Another book I like is Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsh - the first volume, first section. It was hard for me to get. He talks about praying - how you need to know you've already got what you're praying for. I'm starting to understand it.
I'm relating that to bone sighs. And trying to get past thinking "How can I be doing something special?" Trying to remember "I matter." I never thought I'd have something to say, I was just trying to get through my pain. I'm stunned - I don't know how all this happened.
What Can a Square-Peg Learn From terri?
Trust. terri has a deep, underlying trust in the universe. When I listen to her life-stories, or have watched things unfold in her life I can see how trusting allows things to progress without so much kicking and screaming.
Recently I had a chance to bring some of that trust into my own life. In the bigger scheme of things, this wasn't a big deal - but it feels like a turning point to me. My oldest daughter and I were looking for a car to buy together. This is absolutely the first time I was ever involved with buying a car that I researched and shopped for (as opposed to grabbing desperately).
So - besides all manner of internet researching, making an intention collage and trekking to a half dozen car lots - I mediated on terri's bone sigh:
more than anything i want to trust a journey that i don't understand
Even though friends of mine will tell you that I still whined alot, the bottom line feeling was different. My daughter and I felt led to the car that was right for us. We had trust - even when things were very confusing.
Another thing I've learned from terri is: Be Real! In so many ways terri reminds me to be real. In feeling pain, instead of numbing it - and in letting excitement show...
Which makes me think of a story that terri told me. Not too long ago a huge truck came to her house to deliver bubble wrap for mailing out bone sigh art orders.
When terri saw the truck she ran to get her camera. She joked with the delivery man about having made it "big time now". She took pictures and had a great time. Even while she was telling me the story I was wondering how I would've reacted. I wonder whether I would have tried to act "professional" - would I hide my thrill so the guy would think this kind of thing happened every day - just quietly direct him to the back door?
terri talked about other times when she's let her excitement show while doing business. She told me that showing your excitement brings people in. That's something I want to let sink in.
...and go Deep - dive into Love - the REAL - know that truth and trust are in
the Deep...
terri's Favorite Books:
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Interview originally appeared in the February 2006 issue of Square-Peg-People's Encourager newsletter.